As soon as my brother and parents are all asleep and I'm certain of it, I'm going into the kitchen and fixing myself a drink so I can finish this damn paper. I'm stressed out and I know drinking'll take a little of the edge off. I need to relax and that's the best way I can think of right now. I don't know why I'm so keyed up tonight. I can't seem to relax at all. Not one bit. Nothing is helping.
I'm still thinking about him and I can't stop and it's making me angry. I haven't spoken to him in over a week now, going on two, but even then it's not right. I'm still thinking about him. I read somewhere about the attachment women get to the men they have sex with because sex releases some strange, special chemical into their brains. I laughed at the time because I idnd't quite believe in it. I thought I could get out of this without being hurt. And now, look at me. Blogging away about him again because I have nothing better to do. Lie, I should be writing this paper. I just can't seem to focus on it. But there you go. I've got it bad for him and I can't fucking help it. Quitting you is like quitting smoking. It's hard for the first week and then it gets easier from there. (I still struggle with that sometimes and right now, I really could use a smoke. Fortunately, I don't have any.)
I'm a hot mess and a half tonight.
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