The things I do...

I got a text today asking me "what's up and how was your break?" from, you probably guessed it, Mr. Physical. I answered it, like any other text I get, and said that I was currently in a lecture and that I had a good break. He asked me if I'd be free later and I was wondering what time he means for "later." You never know. He said 9:30, I said I'd be at dinner, but I'd go right from dinner to his room, which I did.

The entire way from dinner in the campus center with two of my friends to his room I was kicking myself. I was wondering why I was even going, why I wanted to go, and then justified it by saying that he doesn't call me every day and that I am feeling particularly lonely right now. Silly me, I always find some way to justify whatever it is that I do that is remotely not a good idea...like eat that entire pint of Ben and Jerry's Mud Pie ice cream (which was quite delicious). I get there, stand outside his door and text him saying that I'm not going to knock, but that I am in fact outside. He calls me, I hit the wrong button and ignore the call as my phone is appropriately singing "I Just Had Sex" which never fails to make me laugh. He sits in his room for another like, three minutes before finally reading my text and coming to the door. I get in there and we do what we do like normal human beings. (Well, normal for us.)

But this time was different. This time, he actually bothered to give me something that he'd never given me before. (I don't need to be specific here, do I?) It wasn't super great, but it was nice, and I was honestly surprised. After all, I'd given him that more times than I really care to think about. We finished doing what was actually normal and he let me sit with him for a while and watch "Don't Forget the Lyrics" with him and then we proceeded to have a discussion about Billy Joel and Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen -- three of the musicians that I happen to hold very near and dear to my heart. He even sang "We Didn't Start the Fire" with me, which was a really interesting experience. I didn't ask about Friday, but he did ask me what I'd planned for Thursday with my friend, but I said I didn't know.

I kind of wish he were my IRL boyfriend, but I like the way we are now. I like that we're friendsish. No, we still don't talk outside of our respective bedrooms, but we are talking more and more. It doesn't feel as strange as it first did. It feels much more natural, and I'm glad--especially after six months of this. I don't think I love him, I think I'm comfortable with him, and besides, I'll find a different guy I'll actually be able to date and talk to in public and everything will be fine. This is just a stepping stone.